Orienting to What Matters Project

The world is disorienting at best right now, there are so many reports and studies about why. So much evidence from outside to say nothing of the felt sense feeling on the inside of being unrooted and pulled in so many directions. Maybe if we thought about it deeply, some days even shallowly, we wouldn’t need any of those external reports to tell us what we already know: there’s too much to focus on, too much that’s urgent and our nervous systems weren’t built for this. Add in circumstances like parenting, caregiving, income insecurity, systemic injustice, climate crisis, health and trauma or abuse, and we’re done.

My brain seeks a quick fix. I’m certain I’m not alone in this.  I’ve searched out new tools too; downloaded apps; mapped out schedules. It’s like there is this promise that if only we could organize, find the right way to think, the right way to feel, or frame things,  everything would all be okay. It isn’t as if these tools don’t help. They can and do and are important. Very important. But there is more too. Somethings that are really not okay. Sometimes the act of seeking to find our own comfort is about shutting down, avoiding the disorientation just to survive. And then we get stuck individually but also collectively because we’ve only learnt survival. Life is so much more and that matters.

It got me wanting a new internal compass. And my mind wandered to something way less high tech. I remembered the bright, orange orchard orioles that migrate to Southern Ontario, and the pair specifically, that nest near my back window in the spring. They, as a species, as a family group, know how to orient to build their nest there, to migrate, to find food and shift with the seasons. I’m not naive, I know the life of a song bird is very precarious. The owls and foxes that eat them, the changing climate drastically effecting their numbers due to food scarcity, extreme weather and shifts in seasons. Those are real and hard parts of their lives too.  But they aren’t generally disoriented, at least not yet. You can see it when they are; frantic, chirping, flight irregular but it isn’t a chronic condition, across the population. Their nervous systems aren’t stuck. They can orient to the tasks of living and it is beautiful. We see this in ourselves too when we get into a flow or feel the focus that comes with knowing our purpose and having clear direction. It’s contagious and inspiring.

As a social worker, psychotherapist who specializes in trauma, my day to day work is to make space for the not okay, the disorienting, the overwhelm and shut down and to feel some sense of okay again. Finding a sense of safety after trauma, abuse or crisis is no small task; it’s also not usually one and done. It’s so easy to get caught in feeling like surviving is all there is. Our nervous systems learn to flit from one crisis to another without reprieve…until we can’t handle more and need to numb. And this makes sense. We’re finite creatures and have limitations. The challenges facing the world right now are really big and overwhelming and oh, so interconnected. Unlike the orioles, we have knowledge, agency and responsibility to address pieces of this.

We instinctively know, there is more that matters than just surviving. Maybe that is where we start but generally we know there is more to being fully alive. If you are wrestling with how to orient to what matters for survival and beyond without numbing out to the world around us, join me in my Orienting to What Matters Project. Consider subscribing to participate in the project, receive updates and more below. I promise:

• To aim to be real, compassionate and gentle

• To reach out no more than once or twice a season

• Provide mindful, creative or somatic invitations to orient to what matters for you

I’ll also be opening up some small groups (no more than 6 people) to be gently facilitated for exploring together, orienting to what matters using mindful, creative and somatic resources. Not a therapy group; not like an extra to do, but a brief moment to orient together. If that sparks some interest, sign up below or contact me directly for more information.

Note: The Orienting to What Matters project is not a therapeutic group. Climate anxiety or distress is regularly considered a normal and appropriate response to the existential crises we are facing. However, it doesn’t occur in isolation and can provoke serious persistent psychological distress.

If you are having difficulty coping, including deep distress that is limiting your functioning, provoking intrusive thoughts or despair that do not recede, please get help. Go to your local emegency room if you are at risk of harming yourself. Tell a supportive person. Know you are not alone. It is real. If individual therapy feels like it might help, feel free to reach out here.